One single mother recently faced such a dilemma with her 21-year-old son. Living at home while attending community college part-time and working sporadically, he began to express increasing frustration about his lack of transportation. Eventually, he issued an ultimatum: either she buy him a new car, or he would move in with his father, who had previously been mostly absent from his life.
This put the mother in a difficult emotional and financial position. On one hand, she wanted to support her son’s efforts to become independent. On the other hand, the demand felt manipulative and unfair. It didn’t reflect a healthy, respectful parent-child relationship based on communication and mutual understanding.
Second, parents should encourage accountability and ownership. Instead of simply saying “no,” the mother might offer to match what her son can save for a car or help him explore financing options. This reinforces the idea that independence comes with effort, not demands.
Third, it helps to maintain emotional connection while staying firm. Adult children still need support—but not always in the form they expect. Listening, guiding, and expressing confidence in their ability to solve problems is often more valuable than providing material things. Finally, if tensions remain high, family counseling or third-party mediation can provide a safe space to rebuild trust and improve communication. Continue reading…
