This one can be especially tricky. It often comes from a place of genuine empathy. Maybe you’ve lost someone, too. Maybe you remember how it felt, and you want to connect with their pain.
But the truth is: grief is different for everyone. Even if your experiences are similar, the emotional impact, the relationship, and the circumstances are never quite the same.
Even worse, it can sound dismissive—like you’re saying their feelings are predictable or unoriginal.
What to say instead:
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”
This allows the mourner to feel seen and supported—without comparison or assumption.
4. “Everything happens for a reason.”
This phrase often stems from religious or philosophical belief systems. The intention is usually to offer meaning or purpose in the midst of heartbreak.
But in the rawness of fresh grief, most people aren’t searching for meaning—they’re searching for comfort.
Telling someone that “everything happens for a reason” may sound like you’re brushing past their pain in order to fit the moment into a neat little box.
Loss doesn’t always make sense. And trying to explain it away—especially so soon—can come across as cold, detached, or even offensive.
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