Mia showed the email to Chris. To his credit, he was appalled and wanted to handle it. That afternoon, Eric received an email of his own—an “invoice” styled just as formally, but this time from “Karma & Co.” It came with a list of satirical charges for causing distress, public embarrassment, and general immaturity, and it ended with a pointed line about reputational consequences.
The effect was immediate. Eric alternated between irritation and self-pity. We were overreacting, he insisted. It was a misunderstanding. I “couldn’t take a joke.” Finally, he pivoted to bravado: I was “missing out on a great guy.”
The Lesson Behind the Laugh
Looking back, I’m grateful the mask slipped early. It’s rare that someone shows you their hand with such clarity after one dinner. If that “invoice” had never landed in my inbox, I might have needed weeks to see the pattern: generosity offered as a loan with interest, kindness tallied as a contract, affection treated like an IOU. None of that is romance. All of it is control.
When I read his message again later, what struck me most was how deliberate it felt. The layout was polished. The language was practiced. He didn’t whip it up in two minutes; he planned it. That suggests this wasn’t a one-off misfire but a well-worn tactic—an attempt to convert basic courtesy into leverage.
That’s the heart of this story, and it’s why I’m sharing it—especially with anyone who’s been out of the dating scene for a while and is re-entering with a hopeful heart. Good manners aren’t a down payment on your time. A paid bill doesn’t buy a second date. And gifts aren’t contracts. If someone treats them that way, you’re not dealing with a gentleman. You’re meeting a negotiator who thinks intimacy is transactional.
What Healthy Generosity Looks Like
For contrast, here’s what real kindness on a first date tends to look like:Continue reading…
