Last week, I got a new haircut, cooked your favorite meal, and even bought new silk boxers. You barely noticed—ate quickly and went straight to sleep after your soaps. You don’t say you love me anymore, don’t want intimacy, and nothing connects us as husband and wife.
Either you’re cheating, or you don’t love me. Whatever the reason, it’s over.
Your EX-Husband.
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving to West Virginia together! Have a great life!”
A Clever Comeback
Much to his shock, his wife’s reply was sharper than he could have imagined:
“Dear Ex-Husband,
Receiving your letter truly made my day. Yes, we’ve been married 7 years, although ‘good man’ is stretching it a bit. I watch my shows to drown out your constant whining—though clearly, that didn’t work.
I did notice your haircut—it reminded me of a girl’s style, but I kept quiet out of politeness.
The meal you cooked? Must’ve been for my sister, because I haven’t eaten pork in 7 years.
And those silk boxers? I noticed the $49.99 tag and remembered my sister borrowing $50 that morning.
I still loved you and thought we could make it work. When I won 10 million dollars in the lottery, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home, you were gone.
Life has its reasons. Enjoy the life you wanted. And thanks to your letter, my lawyer says you won’t get a penny from me.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich & Free!
P.S. My sister Carla was originally Carl. Hope that’s not an issue!”
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